I have succumbed to this problem of adulthood and only now do I realize this. I wonder when I fell contracted this illness?
I realized recently that I have this insidious form of amnesia – I have forgotten what it is to laugh heartily. I have forgotten what it is to live lightly. I have forgotten humor. My mind is filled with all the seriousness of adult hood. It is filled with all the pains of adulthood. And all the not so happy memories – these I am unable to let go. And when I do finally let go of some of them, I seem to collect more pains in that emptied space. And the good memories just slide of. Where are they sliding away to? And why do I struggle oh so hard against these pains rather than just accepting them as a part of my adulthood?
And so now I wonder how do I go about curing myself? The easy answer is to just laugh. But when the laugh isn’t from deep in your heart, it does not help.
And so this year, I begin my search for the lightness of being, for the laughter and joy which all the books tell me is right here somewhere around me.